Final Fantasy Battle
by Diathorn
Summary: This is Cas' first story so Review please. The Heroes and Heroines from Final Fantasy 7, 8, and 10 wind up in a battle collesium with Cas as the moderator for them fighting each other and worse. Lots of swearing and a few innuendos.
1. Ch 1 The Premises of Battle and Idiocy

Hello all of you forever cursed readers. It's me, Casamaw! I'm back. Not even the combined strength of the U.S. of A's justice system, an entire team of psychologists, a trip to the most secure prison in the world and the British Dental Association could stop me. I lie of course, the psychologists were just there for the free press. Here in which I now bring a new tale to drive you all insane. It was getting kinda lonely around here, so I decided to try and make a few new friends. *Warning* This story may contain spoilers for all those whose RPG is weak. I'd like to thank Diathorn for writing all of this down as I dictate. I don't own the rights to any characters from any of the Final Fantasy series, although I wish I did. I just got me. Anyway, depression and legal stuff besides, on with the story.  
  
Final Fantasy Battle  
  
Or  
  
How To Annoy All Pro- (Insert Favorite Character's Name[s] Here) Fans  
  
A not so long time ago, in a horribly conceived story all too close and available to literate eyes, a huge rift in the time-space continuum opened up. Check that. A minute thread-bare spot in existence. No, that's still not original. How about: Due to an influx from the cream and sugar mixing with the semi-hot tea poured by Mr. Fluffykins at his Museum of Cute Cuddly Stuffed Animals, all the main characters from Final Fantasy 7, 8, and 10 were ripped from their respective dimensions and taken to the Museum of Cute Cuddly Stuffed Animals? There I, the moderately okay Casamaw, came up with the idea of pitting these great heroes against each for my own twisted sense of amusement. But only after I finished my tea. Luckily, Mr. Fluffykins allowed me to use his own personal battle arena, called Mr. Fluffykins' Stadium of Death & Dismemberment and Ice Cream Parlor. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Fluffykins is a nice guy, once you get over the shrunken head necklace he always wears. So now the narrative ends and the dialogue begins.  
  
Cas: Welcome y'all. It's so good to see you all here tonight. If we can all settle down we can start quickly.  
  
Cid: What the @$&^!% are we doing here?  
  
Zell: Uh, what he said.  
  
Squall: Who are you?  
  
Cas: I am the one and only (thankfully) Casamaw Nakam. You can call me Cas. Call me "Gooseberries Under A Skylight" and you'll get a world and a moon of pain. Now if everyone could... hey! Where is everyone?  
  
Cloud: Aeris?  
  
Squall: Rinoa?  
  
Tidus: Yuna?  
  
Mr. F: They all paid admission price.  
  
Cas: They went inside?  
  
Mr. F: Yup. They should be out in a couple of hours. Unless it's Thursday. Then you all had better get a hotel.  
  
Cas: It is Thursday. How long is this going to take.  
  
Mr. F: About three days. Every Thursday we give out full tours and provisions for the extent of it. Three days is about average for any large group of females to go through. Good business, great time for a date. Though most guys go insane by the first day. Wonder why?  
  
Cas: On that happy note, let's decide on what to do. We can go after the girls, or wait for them here. Let's vote.  
  
One vote later.  
  
Cas: Okay, that's 7 votes for "go after them." 6 Votes for "Wait." and 1 vote for "Let's get some hot dogs." Someone hit Zell.  
  
Zell: Owww! I voted to go!  
  
Irvine: Ha! Sucker, I wrote that. Ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Cas: Zell, my apologies. Irvine gets a Fire spell on his lousy cowboy hat. Fire!  
  
Irvine: Ouch.  
  
Squall: I think he's out cold.  
  
Cas: How could he be? I used a Fire spell. Get it? Ya' know, a Fire spell, out cold? Forget it. Well, since we can't really just go in. I mean, I don't have enough money. So I'll just teleport them from there, to here.  
  
Red XIII: If you could do that in the first place, than why didn't you?  
  
Cas: All questions must be submitted in the form of semaphore. Now let's get to the arena!  
  
In case any of you don't know Cas, please read my bio. He'll also pop up in some of my other stories. Wish he'd stay out though, but he works as a plot device real cheap and it cost's a lot for plot devices. Read and review. Best read after my other story, Conforming To The Penalty. As soon as I finish it.  
  
Cas: You're advertising your own story in my story.  
  
Diathorn: I give you free reign, I want free press. 


	2. Ch 2 Test Your Might, Heroes Emerge Triu...

It's Cas here. This will be chapter 2. Even though technicly, it's really chapter 1. But who cares? I would, but my brain's in the shop. At least that's what the man said. I don't own anyone but me, Cas!  
  
A "in a flash of light and a crack like a wet newspaper" later.  
  
Cas: This is the Stadium of Death & Dismemberment. I have decided to make use of some very strange circumstances for my own personal amusement. I want all of you to fight each other in a series of events that will test your powers to their limits. If you don't agree, you have some very nice alternatives. For the guys, you get to go the Museum of Cute Cuddly Stuffed Animals. For the ladies, you get to listen while chauvinistic males tell you why men are better than women. Now that I've stated a reasonable hell for each gender, who would like to step aside?  
  
All: Uh, no.  
  
Cas: Good. It makes things so much easier when you have a captive audience. Obviously chains make everything rather depressing. Now I am going to determine the events that you will all follow. First will be three fights to determine the greatest swordsman. Then there will be the most powerful magic users. Followed by best martial artist. I think a lancer contest is in order. A few mini-games to boot. And somewhere in there I think there shall be a swimsuit competition.  
  
Irvine: Yeehaw! I'm gonna have some fun!  
  
Squall: You would.  
  
Rinoa: Like you're one to talk.  
  
Aeris: Hey Cloud?  
  
Cloud: What?  
  
Aeris: Got something on your mind? Your calm exterior is cracking.  
  
Cloud: Shut up.  
  
Tifa: Yeah! I'm gonna let loose with that one!  
  
Zell: You scare me.  
  
Tifa: I should.  
  
Lulu: How immature. I do not understand why anyone would dress like a scantily clad bimbo.  
  
Yuna: Hello, pot? This is the kettle, you're still black.  
  
Cas: To end all of this quickly, let's go to the first round.  
  
Round 1- Cloud Vs. Squall Vs. Tidus  
  
Cas: Here's the first round of this exciting battle. Remember contestants, after each battle you will receive an elixir to recover your strength. The relative physics have been adjusted so that you are of equal power. The deciding factors are weapons and skills. Round 1 begin.  
  
Tidus: What do we do? You never said anything about that.  
  
Cas: Damn. I hate it when I forget important details like that. Okay, round 1 is where you all try to beat each other up.  
  
Cloud: Where's my damn sword?  
  
Cas: You'll fight with your fists. This is unarmed combat. Begin.  
  
Cloud: (Thinking) I'm not as good at unarmed as I should be, but I took a few lessons from Tifa. Hmm. The guy in black looks like he got some training. The other one should be easy to take down.  
  
Squall: (Thinking) Thank god for Seed training. That guy with the spiky hair looks like he give and take blows. The other one should be target number one.  
  
Tidus: (Thinking) They both look like a piece of cake. I'll take them down fast.  
  
Cas: Since I'm in charge, I'll do the commentary. Tidus starts the fight with a charge to Cloud. And Cloud sidesteps right and clotheslines Tidus in the face. With that bracer Cloud has on we know it had to hurt. And Squall has jumped into the fray with a uppercut to Cloud. Cloud managed to twist out of the way but has fallen by a low kick by Tidus. Tidus gets up and rushes in. Cloud recovers in time to catch and toss Tidus, effectively stopping his low tackle. Squall jump kicks the still air born Tidus, bringing him to the ground. Squall is now pounding Tidus' ribcage with no end to the pain. Now Cloud has drop kicked Squall and they are now circling each other. And I think Tidus is down for the match. And there's some superior footwork from Squall as he kicks Cloud. And I think that's it. Yes! Cloud is down for the count. And Squall is the unarmed champion Swordsman. Let's hear from the crowd. Zell?  
  
Zell: From a fighter's standpoint, that guy, Cloud was it? might have had a better chance if he used some more kicks. The other guy, maybe if he had some training he might be a real threat.  
  
Cas: Yes, Tifa?  
  
Tifa: I'll agree with Zell there, Cloud has always had a problem with his kicks. I thinks it's his sword training that did that to him. But in a boxing match, he's as steady as a rock.  
  
Cas: And how about Tidus?  
  
Zell: Well, charging two other people in that sort of standoff, not smart. Even I could have figured that one out.  
  
Tifa: Hell yeah there. Maybe with a chance, a hope, and a prayer he could win. Not worth betting on the rest of the time.  
  
Cas: Harsh words from two well trained fighters. Now as soon as they all recover consciousness we'll continue.  
  
Five minutes later  
  
Cas: We are back to the second round of this exciting battle. Now we shall have the Power Limit contest. Here, Cloud, Squall, and Tidus will show their most destructive Limit. We are looking for the greatest destruction, the most carnage, and the least amount of area left intact. Fighters, set up your Limits. Get ready, begin!  
  
Cas: (Quietly) The fighters are taking their positions now. In turn, they will try to perform their most powerful limit. Cloud won the rock-paper-scissor contest and has elected to use a rocky field for the contest. So there's a lot of rocks and rubble around. Now Cloud has stepped up to the mark and now it really starts. Cloud has started to charge his sword and has moved into, yes! It is the Meteorain! What a brilliant move that was there, choosing the rocky field. The superheated meteorites are exploding the boulders and are creating secondary explosions. Very nice there. Let's let Mr. Fluffykins, the judge, check out the field.  
  
Mr. F: 8.7  
  
Cas: 8.7, good marks for Cloud. Could we please have the statistics.  
  
Mr. F.: Certainly. As we all saw, Mr. Cloud used a good choice for the field in conjunction with his attack. A very nice job. It could do better if it was more wide spread, but a good job none the less.  
  
Cas: Thank you. The field has been set up again, so now let's let Squall have his turn. Squall has stepped up to the mark and has started quickly. And, well with that pillar of light, it can only be the Blasting Zone. And here it comes down. Nice, good job on Squall's part. Mr. F.?  
  
Mr. F.: 8.2.  
  
Cas: Looks as though Cloud is the favorite here for now. So Mr. F. what caused the lower score?  
  
Mr. F.: Well, Squall used a more powerful attack with greater range, but Cloud caused more overall damage. I mean, Cloud got some deep penetration, while Squall only got enough to leave a small, long ditch.  
  
Cas: Thank you Mr. F. Seeing as the field is already, I think we should let Tidus have his turn before coming to any conclusions. Tidus looks ready. Now we'll see if his earlier defeat will have an impact on his performance. And look, it's Energy Rain. And, well, it doesn't look like a lot of damage there, but let's ask the resident expert.  
  
Mr. F.: 7.9.  
  
Cas: I think the question on everyone's mind is: why so low?  
  
Mr. F.: Tidus only caused small craters with little real damage being done. There is evidence of the energy going further, but that doesn't have as much of an impact as Cloud or Squall.  
  
Cas: And with that, it's the end of the Power Limit contest. Let's let our heroes heal up and get on with the next match.  
  
Cas: We are now set up for the greatest contest of skill, the final arena of combat, the..  
  
All: Shut up!  
  
Cas: Alright. Now we have the Swordsmen contest? That better?  
  
All: Yes!  
  
Cas: You all really know how to hurt a guy's feelings don't you? I'll get over it. The rules are simple. You each use the full extent of your swordsmanship and take each other down. Last one standing and all that. Begin!  
  
Tidus: Hey Yuna!  
  
Yuna: Yeah?  
  
Tidus: Blitz Ace!  
  
Yuna: Okay!  
  
Cloud: What was that?  
  
Squall: How should I know?  
  
Cas: I said "begin!" The fighters are now moving into position. Lets see who starts things off.  
  
Cloud: Omnislash!  
  
Squall: Lionheart!  
  
Cas: Wow! Look at them go! They are meeting blade for blade, again and again, neither one hitting the other. And now Tidus has joined the fray.  
  
Tidus: Blitz Ace!  
  
Cas: Tidus has just unleashed his most powerful attack on Squall, and Squall is just managing to block the powerful slashes. Now Tidus has set himself up for the final part.  
  
Tidus: Yuna!  
  
Yuna: Here!  
  
Cas: And Yuna has thrown the blitzball. Is that legal? Who cares? And Tidus has kicked it to Cloud. Amazing! What will Cloud do?  
  
Cloud: I think not kid. Take this!  
  
Cas: Cloud has just hit the blitzball with the Buster Sword and has just sent it back at Tidus. Tidus is now sailing into the sunset. I think Tidus is out for the count. Back to the two remaining contestants. Squall has recovered from Tidus' barrage and is now after Cloud.  
  
Squall: Rough Divide!  
  
Cloud: Braver!  
  
Cas: A deadlock! Here they go again!  
  
Squall: Let's try this! Fated Circle!  
  
Cloud: Blade Beam!  
  
Cas: Another deadlock! Cloud's Beam Blade cut through Squall's Fated Circle, but Squall landed before it could hit him. This is really becoming exciting.  
  
Rinoa: Come on Squall! I got a hundred Gil on you!  
  
Aeris & Tifa: We both got a thousand on you Cloud!  
  
Mr. F.: I do not allow betting in my arena. Unless I get a take.  
  
Cas: Their starting again, thank you very much!  
  
Squall: Here's something you can't beat. Blasting Zone!  
  
Cloud: I win. Finishing Touch!  
  
Cas: What did Cloud say? Wait, what is he doing? Cloud has just jumped into the Finishing Touch tornado! He's riding it into the sky! What is he planning?  
  
Cloud: Meteorain!  
  
Cas: Stupendous! Cloud has bombarded Squall with a barrage of meteorites. Squall has escaped damage by virtue of his Limit. And Squall's Blasting Zone has broken!  
  
Squall: I think not! Blasting Zone!  
  
Cas: Squall has just shot the Blasting Zone straight at Cloud! Although it does seem to knock have Squall into the ground.  
  
Cloud: I won't be defeated! Braver!  
  
Cas: What is he doing? He's cutting into the beam! He's succeeding! He is actually cutting through energy wave! Squall can't seem to break off his attack! And Cloud has cut to the source! Squall is down for the count! What an upset! Who could of seen that one coming?  
  
Cloud: I... *Whump*  
  
Cas: What the hell? Cloud has just been KO'd by the Bltizball! That means that Tidus is the winner! Tidus wins, Cloud is second and Squall is in last place! What an ending!  
  
Aeris: What do you mean Tidus wins?  
  
Cas: The Blitzball was part of Tidus' attack. And since it went before most everything else, it counts before Tidus was knocked out.  
  
Everyone else was most upset by this news, since it meant that they lost their bets. Well, everyone except Yuna, who was the only one to bet on Tidus and had thus made a small fortune, minus Mr. F.'s take.  
  
Read and Review please. I might get lonely and visit you. I'll be invisible of course and what does anyone do when they're invisible? Eat chicken! 


	3. Ch 3 Villians on Parade

Cas: I'll make this short. I own no characters from Final Fantasy. And none of the songs are mine. You can guess who they belong to. There, happy? I feel like crying. *Warning* Bad tasting jokes incoming.  
  
Cas: Cas here everyone! I have decided to take things in another direction for right now. I have decided to have a contest of villains! That's right! For this chapter only we are bringing you many villains from the Final Fantasy series. I'm doing this to determine who is the Most Villainous of Villains. Since I'm the judge you can guess what will happen. That's right! I'm going to mock everyone! Look on the bright side. I'm doing it fairly. Let's get it on! First up is Sephiroth! This villains hails from Final Fantasy 7. He's a kick ass momma's boy whose hobbies include: burning, pillaging, genocide and sharpening his sword, the Masamune.  
  
Sephiroth: What the hell am I doing here? Mother? Where are you?  
  
Cas: That's not funny Sephiroth. You were told the rules before you came on and I told you that these jokes wouldn't be tolerated.  
  
Sephiroth: Sue me.  
  
Cas: You don't want me to. That would mean I'd have to summon my lawyer. I'm afraid of him. But let's continue. Sephiroth, could you please tell us why you think you should be the most villainous villain?  
  
Sephiroth: I think my record speaks for itself. Mass murder, upsetting the balance of the planet, attempted genocide and genocide.  
  
Cas: Attempted genocide and genocide?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes. I summoned Meteor which would have wiped out life as we know it, but no, Holy got in the way. And I killed Aeris, the last Cetra, so there's the genocide.  
  
Cas: True. Anything else? By the way, you're getting a massive bonus for killing Aeris. That's evil.  
  
Sephiroth: Cool. Let's see, I nearly killed Cloud, but he's the hero, so he has to survive. Um, I almost killed Tifa.  
  
Cas: Sephiroth, I think we want to hear about actual crimes. Attempted murder against Tifa hardly counts as a crime. If you had succeeded I would give you a medal.  
  
Sephiroth: Then that would be about it then.  
  
Cas: Thank you Sephiroth. I'd like to remind all those reading that the results of the Most Villainous of Villains contest will be at the end of This Chapter. Our next villain is Seifer, who we have decided to skip because I just don't like him. After him is Kuja, the self-proclaimed angel of death from Final Fantasy 9. Welcome Kuja!  
  
Kuja: Where am I?  
  
Cas: You can stop right there. Sephiroth beat you to it.  
  
Kuja: Damn him. First my mascara, now my intro bit. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.  
  
Cas: You do that. Hello Kuja.  
  
Kuja: Hi Cas, don't you just look scrumptious.  
  
Cas: I am completely weirded out now. So why do you think that you should be the, um, monarch, for the lack of a better title, of villains?  
  
Kuja: Simply you silly goose. I've played god with peoples lives, I've engineered death and war, I almost destroyed existence as we know it and just look at what I'm wearing.  
  
Cas: I'm trying not to. All very good reasons. And drop the gay act before I slap that makeup off your face.  
  
Kuja: Ha! Sephiroth didn't beat me to that joke, now did he?  
  
Sephiroth: That's what you think! I'm wearing lingerie! Mwahahahahaha!  
  
Kuja: You bastard! You stole my encore!  
  
Cas: Could this get any worse?  
  
Sephiroth: Hey! Maybe we could do a duet of the "Time Warp?"  
  
Kuja: I love The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Your on!  
  
Cas: Let's cut this conversation before it goes any further. And now it's Seymour's turn. (Aside) What's he doing?  
  
Sephiroth: Song and dance routine.  
  
Cas: Don't tell me he stole your encore Kuja.  
  
Kuja: No. He stole my makeup and hair dye.  
  
Cas: Let's turn it over to Seymour.  
  
Seymour: Thank you Cas. To start things, I'll need to summon my dancers.  
  
Cas: I get it. "Summon" your dancers. Good one Seymour.  
  
Seymour: I don't get it. Anyway, I summon Ifrit, Shiva, Yojimbo, Bahamut and Anima! Okay everyone, just as we practiced.  
  
Bahamut: I'm not doing it.  
  
Anima: Don't I get enough pain and suffering?  
  
Ifrit &Shiva: We're game!  
  
Yojimbo: I'll do it for 1 billion gil.  
  
Seymour: You'll do it for 3.50.  
  
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.  
  
Seymour: 3.50.  
  
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.  
  
Seymour: 3.50 and your continued existence.  
  
Yojimbo: As I said, 3.50.  
  
Seymour: Good. Anymore disagreements?  
  
Bahamut: None.  
  
Anima: This is going to hurt.  
  
Seymour: Then let's start on three. One, two, three!  
  
All: "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.   
  
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.   
  
They have everything for you men to enjoy,   
  
You can hang out with all the boys ...  
  
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,   
  
You can do whatever you feel ...   
  
Young man, are you listening to me?"  
  
Cas: I'm ending it there. That's just too creepy. Ifrit in the Indian chief outfit, that's just wrong.  
  
Irvine: What the hell are you talking about? That was great! I feel inspired!  
  
Cas: Who let him in here? I thought you were drunk.  
  
Selphie: No, that's how he always acts.  
  
Cas: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Selphie: We we're watching on the closed circuit TV in the bar and "someone" decided to crash the party.  
  
Cas: Well both of you out now. This is absurd, a travesty!  
  
Selphie: No, but that is.  
  
Irvine: "Macho, macho man  
  
I gotta be a macho man  
  
Macho macho man  
  
I gotta be a macho  
  
Macho, macho man  
  
I gotta be a macho man  
  
Macho macho man  
  
I gotta be a macho"  
  
Cas: Shut up! Both of you off the stage! This is for Villains only. Are you sure he's not drunk? Irvine! Put that feather boa down. It belongs to Sephiroth! Screw it all! Good night. The results will be posted in This Chapter. Get off the curtain you hack cowboy! Sephiroth! Stop trying to kill him! I'll replace your damn feather boa.  
  
Cas: So, did I offend anyone? If I did then I know I did a job well done. Let me know what you think. Ain't it ironic that I'm using Diathorn's name to ruin it and there's nothing he can do about it. I'd like to thank Kuro No Yoake (Black Dawn for those who don't speak Japanese) for his idea. 


	4. Ch 4 This Chapter

We're back with the fourth installment of this little story. If any of you are offended, let me say: I told you so. I said I'd do my best to irritate everyone. So don't look surprised. have fun and loosen up. If you are a true fan, you can live with it. I can. As a true fan I must admit I don't own Final Fantasy. Or the Matrix for the obvious reference towards the end. Read to find out.  
  
Cas: I'm back! Now we're having the Mage contest. If Rinoa, Aeris, and Yuna could come down please.  
  
Rinoa: Can we do this later? I was going to have some private time with Squall.  
  
Aeris: Me too.  
  
Rinoa: You stay away from my man you whore!  
  
Aeris: You keep tall, dark and depressing. I was talking about Cloud.  
  
Rinoa: Sorry.  
  
Aeris: Besides, blondes are more fun to play with anyway.  
  
Rinoa: And you're one to talk, Ms. Bleached blonde?  
  
Cas: Ladies, ladies. As much as I think the popularity of this fanfic would go up with the inclusion of a catfight, I'm not going to allow it. And... Hey, where's Yuna?  
  
Yuna: Come on Tidus, don't be silly. It'll only be for a couple of hours. Let go of that lamppost.  
  
Tidus: Nothing doing! I ain't going in there!  
  
Cas: Yuna, have Bahamut let go of Tidus. You have a contest to enter and I am not willing to postpone for a week until you get out of the museum. On top of that Tidus is needed for the next contest and I could use a few judges. This means he needs to be sane.  
  
Yuna: Fine, go Bahamut!  
  
Cas: There, you can let go now Tidus.  
  
Tidus: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.  
  
Cas: Whatever, I'll be back with a crowbar later. Alright, you three will now use your most powerful magic spell and cause the most amount of destruction possible.  
  
Yuna: Summons count?  
  
Cas: No, no summoning of any kind. It has to be a spell or limit break. Now for a twist, let's start things off with Yuna.  
  
Yuna: Well, without my summons, I'll still give it my best. Let's see, um. Hey Lulu? What's the name of the most powerful spell? You know, the ultimate one?  
  
Lulu: Ultima, I've told you before.  
  
Yuna: Oh yeah, I forgot. Ultima!  
  
Energy crackled and erupted into a ball of pure power, disintegrating everything in its path. When the smoke cleared, a sizable crater was formed.  
  
Cas: Nice, I'd guess at least nine meters in diameter. Real good. Now it's Rinoa's turn.  
  
Rinoa: You won't beat me skank. Angel Wing! Ultima!  
  
With the heavenly power boost from her angelic limit, the trash-talking Rinoa unleashed her own version of the ultimate spell.  
  
Cas: Hmm. Thirty feet in diameter. Rinoa beats Yuna.  
  
Yuna: (Mutters under breath)  
  
Rinoa: What was that you two bit hack of a mage?  
  
Yuna: I said God $*&#@!* damn you, you $#^*ing @#$%ing piece of &#$&%ing &^@$!  
  
Tidus: I didn't know she knew that kind of language.  
  
Yuna: Well, I have been talking to the man over there with the spear.  
  
Cas: Cid? That figures. And now it's Aeris' turn. Hey Aeris? Why are you praying? You don't really seem to be casting a spell.  
  
Rinoa: She must be praying to not be totally embarrassed.  
  
Cas: (looking down) Strange, I don't recall there being any clouds today? (Looks up) Or a total eclipse of the sun for that matter. Or a gigantic meteor hurtling towards the earth! Hit the decks everybody!  
  
One earth shattering kaboom later.  
  
Cas: The Farmer's Almanac is going to hear about this. I think Aeris wins with a mini Meteor and the small ocean. Lets go to the next contest. Since a brawl or a limit contest wouldn't do for this group, I think a combat round is required. Although it would cut things short. That's alright! And before I forget, here are the result of the Most Villainous Villain contest. Worst Villain goes to Seymour for being a pathetic loser who has gotten killed at least twice and didn't make a very impressive comeback either time. Best Dressed goes to Sephiroth. And that of course means that Kuja is the Most Villainous Villain of all time. We don't have an award, since it would mean I'd have to buy one. On to the next challenge.  
  
At the next challenge.  
  
Cas: Here are the rules. Each of you have been given your boyfriend's sword. You now have to beat each other up with it. I have set up several barriers to protect you from actually cutting each other so you can let loose. Remember, I'm doing all this for fun. And I don't really care that none of you know how to use a sword. That's your problem. Begin!  
  
Rinoa hefts the Lionheart, testing it's weight. I should have weight-trained at some point she thought. At least that bimbo in the pink dress can't move. Aeris was struggling to even pick up the Buster sword. The possibility of her actually swinging it around was laughable. Rinoa shifted her weight to better handle the sword and charged Yuna.  
  
Yuna was preoccupied with her own problems. She was seriously considering asking for a timeout so she could change into something that matched the Caladbolg she was leaning on. It wasn't until Rinoa slashed down at her did she notice anything. Luckily the barrier was up and only knocked her down.  
  
Cas: And Rinoa has knocked Yuna down. It looked like she never saw it coming. Yuna is trying to block but I think her preference for rods has brought about her defeat. And Yuna is down for the count. Rinoa! I said she's down for the count. You can stop now. Let's check on Aeris. She has managed to pick up the Buster sword. This is not looking good for her. The Buster sword is just too big for her to use and she has to use it in order to win. You can tell she's frustrated. Just look at the anger on her face. And... hey! She picked it up. Aeris has picked up the Buster sword. And now she's throwing it? How can she do that? Rinoa has dodged it easily enough, but wait! It's coming back around! Aeris is floating the Buster sword using her Cetra powers. She can do that?  
  
Cloud: She does it for most of her limits. Just wait until she gets serious.  
  
Cas: Things don't look good for Rinoa. Wait, where'd she go? What? Squall has just told me Rinoa has used her Sorceress powers and is currently under the ground. She apparently nullified the molecular structure or some such and is beyond Aeris' reach. And there she is. Rinoa has popped up behind Aeris and is bracing the Gunblade. Rinoa has made use of the Gunblade's secondary function as a gun.  
  
Aeris looks behind her and holds out her hand. The bullets slow to a stop and hang in midair, directly in front of her. Aeris picks up a bullet and tosses it to the side. The rest drop to the ground. Summoning the Buster sword, Aeris lifts herself off the ground and flies toward Rinoa. Rinoa panics and fires several more shots.  
  
Cas: How will Aeris dodge this barrage? She doesn't, she disappeared! I think I see her, but she's all over the place. And Rinoa seems to be getting hit. I can't count the blows. And Aeris has stopped, but Rinoa hasn't. She is still being hit, even after Aeris stopped. I think it's safe to say Rinoa is out. Aeris is the winner!  
  
Aeris spins the Buster sword over her head before holding it against her back.  
  
Cas: And she finishes with Cloud's ending move. That is a powerful swordswoman there.  
  
Aeris: Hey Sephiroth!  
  
Sephiroth: What?  
  
Aeris: I owe you one!  
  
Aeris flings the Buster sword at Sephiroth. Sephiroth, who wasn't paying attention, gets hit in the stomach.  
  
Aeris: How you like it now! You don't mess with me!  
  
Cas: That will end this chapter. But just wait! Next I'll bring a few fun surprises.  
  
How'd you like that? Let me know. Read and Review. 


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